In these times of social media it seems easy to “connect” with others, exchange dreams and wishes, profile photos and background information. Yet, in spite of such “easy” mechanisms to “meet” others, you might still find yourself alone, lonely, desiring to have an intimate relationship with someone “special” – but, alas, don’t seem to be able to actualize your desire.
So what stands in your way? Is it so that, after all, there aren’t enough “others” in the pool of singles to choose from? Or could it be something in you, which might hinder your ability to find the intimate relationship you so much long for?
Well, it is easy and “comfortable” to believe that it is all a matter of not yet finding the “special one”. It is convenient to think that “many out there” are just inappropriate for you.
But is it really so? Could it also be that something in you, after all, hinders you from finding “the one and only”? And if this is the case, is there anything you can do about it?
Indeed, there is a lot that you can do about it. And this “a lot” can be summarized in one sentence: you need to get to know yourself better; to understand what it is that stands in your way from finding and cultivating a good intimacy; to realize what might have caused you to sabotage your relationships until now.
You can call such a process “cognitive therapy” that you will take upon yourself to pursue all by yourself; or you can call this process “becoming aware”, which will bring to the surface thinking and behavioral patterns which might have stood in your way from having a successful relationship until now.
What it all boils down to is: are you willing, truly willing, to find out how you come across to others; what are your needs; how you might stand in your own way from cultivating a satisfying relationship; and, finally, how you can go about becoming self-aware of the many ways in which you might have – unintentionally and unconsciously – sabotaged your relationships until now, and how to make a change for the better?
Taking responsibility is the name of the game. Taking responsibility for your failures, as well as responsibility to becoming self-aware and taking the necessary steps to change whatever needs change.
Becoming responsible and self-aware doesn’t necessarily mean you need to stop “meeting” others on social media. The opposite might even be true: as you work on becoming aware, each and every person you “meet” can mirror something back to you and so “tell” you something about yourself. With each and every person you meet you can realize what projections you “throw” at them, and what causes you to project into them those aspects and parts of yourself: is it jealousy? Stubbornness? Stinginess? Shyness? Vulnerability? Insecurity?
The more self-aware you become the more you begin to observe yourself “as if from the side” and thus realize how you behave and think, and consequently what you need to change in your thinking, attitudes and behaviors in order to finally find and cultivate the successful intimate relationship you long for. Source by Doron Gil, Ph.D.
